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Torah From Zion
The Love of Yaakov and Yosef – Love of Torah
December 9th, 2024 / 8th of Kislev, 5785
“A path of life [waits] above for the wise one, so that his soul will turn away from the grave below” (Mishlei / Proverbs 15:24).
The baalei mussar [masters of ethical teachings] explain that a man must aspire to grow above and beyond where he is right now, and reach higher spiritual levels. This must be his aspiration at all times and in all situations. Is this a level that we can reach?
To understand what it means to be ready to grow spiritually and how one does this, let’s learn about the historic meeting between Yaakov Avinu [Jacob, our forefather] and Yosef [Joseph] at the entrance to Egypt, after the two had been apart for 22 years.
The Torah states that “Yisrael loved Yosef more than all his sons” (Bereishis / Genesis 37:3). Of course, Yosef loved Yaakov very much, too. Yaakov invested fully himself into Yosef, thinking that he would be the one to continue the tradition and lead the tribes.
After the sale of Yosef, Yaakov mourned excessively for the loss of one of the twelve tribes of Hashem [G-d]. Moreover, he mourned the son that he had thought would be the most prominent. Suddenly, after 22 years of mourning, Yaakov is told that Yosef is still alive and has managed to retain his spiritual standing. Finally, Yaakov goes to meet his dear son Yosef. Can there be a greater joy than this?
Rashi cites the Midrash [Explanations of the Torah by the Sages of Israel], which depicts this meeting in a way we would never have imagined. Yosef, with all of his love and emotion for his father, sees Yaakov and immediately runs toward him. He takes hold of his beloved father and embraces him, crying exceedingly.
Only, what does Yosef see? He sees Yaakov reserved and unemotional, saying the words: “Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokeinu, Hashem Echad” [Hear, Israel, HaShem is our G-d, HaShem is One].
If we look at this simply, Yosef could have been quite hurt. Yaakov shows no sign of love or concern for him, and seems to create an impression of utter indifference, as if Yosef weren’t even there.
The bigger the expectation, the greater the disappointment
An incident recorded in Sotah [Talmud] 47a can help us gain a handle on the gravity of what happened: Rabbi Yehoshua ben Prachia was returning to Eretz Yisrael [the Land of Israel] from Egypt with his talmid [student], Yeshu (the Meiri and others say that this was not the founder of Christianity). On their way, they spent the night at an inn, and the women who ran the inn displayed exceptional honor toward Rabbi Yehoshua.
“How pleasant is this innkeeper,'” Rabbi Yehoshua said to his talmid, who replied: “But Rebbe, she has round eyes.”
“Rasha [wicked one], is that what you’re thinking about!” Rabbi Yehoshua exclaimed and put Yeshu into nidui [excommunication].
He did this for several reasons: 1) Yeshu dismissed his Rebbe’s words brazenly, 2) he suspected his Rebbe of thinking about the attractiveness of women, and 3) he himself was thinking about such things.
The continuation of the story is that Yeshu came back to Rabbi Yehoshua ben Prachia to ask forgiveness and that he take him back as a talmid, and Rabbi Yehoshua ben Prachia turned him away. Yeshu came back several times, and each time Rabbi Yehoshua did not accept him. One day, Yeshu came back to ask forgiveness and Rabbi Yehoshua ben Prachia was saying Keriyas Shema [the recitation of Shema]. He signaled for his talmid to wait for him, as he had decided to forgive him, but Yeshu thought that he was rejecting him again. He left the beis medrash [study hall] and bowed down to an idol. He began engaging in sorcery and defying the Torah.
This story shows us what sort of disasters can occur when people don’t get the response they were expecting. A talmid expects warmth and concern from his Rebbe, and here Yeshu was rejected. This caused him to abandon everything.
It states in Taanis [Talmud] 8a that if the learning is hard as iron for a talmid, it’s because his Rebbe did not show him a pleasant countenance. When the talmid is not succeeding, the Rebbe is taken to task for this—let’s see if he gives him the warmth he needs. Does he show him love? Concern? If not, that is why the talmid is not succeeding.
Many years ago, a bachur [young man] came to our yeshiva after he had gotten into all sorts of trouble and addictions. He had finally resolved to change for the better. He came to yeshiva and began making excellent progress.
One day, his father came for a visit. The bachur was so excited he couldn’t wait to show his father how much he had changed. Inside, he was expecting his father to say how proud he was of him, and respond with warmth and encouragement.
His father arrived, and he said: “Look, Dad, I’m religious.”
His father told him in a cold, emotionless voice: “I couldn’t care less if you’re religious or not, I just want you to be a mensch [decent person].”
The boy was crushed. It wasn’t long before he took off his kippa [a.k.a. yarmulke] and was on the street again. He was expecting some expression of love from his father. When he did not get it, he abandoned Yiddishkeit [Judaism]. I saw this with my own eyes.
How did Yosef overcome his disappointment?
Imagine the scene. Lechora [seemingly], Yosef Hatzaddik’s [Joseph the righteous] disappointment was even worse than what was described above because he had been waiting 22 years for this moment. As he spent those years alone in Egypt, he surely imagined how this meeting would take place and how much love and concern Yaakov would show him.
And now, reality hit him in the face—Yaakov all but ignored him.
What disappointment Yosef could have felt. This disappointment could have shaken him to the core. And yet, we see no mention of this. How? How could Yosef have overcome his disappointment and moved on?
The pinnacle of love
Before explaining how Yosef felt, let’s explain the approach of Yaakov Avinu, who certainly had exceptional love for all of his children, particularly Yosef. How could Yaakov suddenly have remembered to say Keriyas Shema at that moment and not grasp Yosef in a loving embrace, as we would have imagined?
Yaakov Avinu was the merkava [chariot] for the Shechina [Divine Presence], and his image is engraved in Hashem’s Throne of Glory. His overarching concern was Yosef’s ruchniyus [spirituality] and the continuation of Klal Yisrael [the Jewish people] and the 12 Tribes of Hashem. This was not the usual love a father feels for a son, but rather love of Torah [i.e., of HaShem and His Ways]. Yaakov wanted to convey this to Yosef and raise him to a higher level, a new level of building the tribes of Hashem. Yaakov therefore saw to it that this meeting take place precisely as he was saying Keriyas Shema. This was the proper way to reunite.
If so, not only did Yaakov not show Yosef coldness, on the contrary, he showed the greatest sign of love possible, that his love for him was so great that he was willing to forego this long-awaited moment and use it instead to build in his son pure yiras Shamayim [fear of Heaven, i.e., Hashem, Whose Throne is in Heaven] and prepare him for the continuation of Klal Yisrael.
How Yosef received Yaakov's sign of love
How did Yosef feel? A son knows how his father feels about him. Without words, he knows if his father loves him or not; or if he’s pleased with him or not. If Yosef had felt coldness from Yaakov, it surely would have had a negative effect on him, but since a child knows how his father feels toward him, Yosef surely felt that Yaakov loved him so much that he wanted to elevate him to a still higher level. It was clear to Yosef that Yaakov was expressing his greatest love for him, because saying Keriyas Shema built in him a new level of Yiras Shamayim and prepared him to be the continuation of Klal Yisrael. This was Yaakov’s imparting of the lesson: “A path of life [waits] above for the wise one, so that his soul will turn away from the grave below.”
We can now understand how it was that Yosef was not hurt by Yaakov’s behavior at this meeting, even though he seemed to be ignoring him.
First of all, after the tikun [repair / rectification] Yosef had gone through with his brothers, he had reached the highest state of perfection. Yosef was prepared for any sort of meeting with his father. Moreover, Yosef knew exactly what his father was expecting from him, because a child [especially, a student] knows what his father wants from him even without his saying it. A child naturally wants to honor his father and make him happy by fulfilling his will, and Yosef surely wanted to do so. Yosef wanted to show Yaakov that he understood his message to him.
All the more so in this case, where there was more than just the natural instinct to honor one’s father, but the will of Hashem that he honor him. Even the nations have a concept of “Father’s Day” and “Mother’s Day.” By us, no special day is designated for this, but it’s one of the Ten Commandments [i.e., for every day]. The difference between us and them is that they honor their parents based on intuition and natural feeling, whereas we fulfill our parents’ will because Hashem commanded us to. By fulfilling their will, we fulfill His will.
If so, by accepting his father’s behavior, in this itself Yosef was demonstrating: “I am a servant of Hashem. I am continuing the vision and the expectation of my father, Yaakov, to be one of the tribes of Hashem. I am fulfilling exactly what I learned from you.”
Yosef had already demonstrated this to Yaakov and to his brothers. Yosef had pointed out to his brothers that the language he used was lashon kodesh [the holy language, Hebrew]. To Yaakov, Yosef sent wagons as a sign that he still remembered the last sugya [topic] they had learned together. Only, until now Yosef showed Yaakov that he had not forgotten his past, but he had not yet shown him that his yiras Shamayim had remained intact. Now he was showing him: I am an eved Hashem [servant of God], and that the main goal is to reach higher levels of ruchniyus and be one of the tribes of Hashem.
There is no question that Yosef felt warmth, love, and concern from Yaakov, particularly at this time, after 22 years of separation. At this meeting, Yosef was able to discern his father’s love for him. He understood that Yaakov’s Keriyas Shema did not stem from indifference, but rather was an expression of his exceptionally great love for him, that he wanted to use this propitious time to help him reach a new level in yiras Shamayim and help establish one of the tribes of Hashem.
The lesson: Levels of yiras Shamayim are a spontaneous response of love
We can sharpen this message of Yaakov’s with an incident that took place in the Chamber of the Holocaust, where we once held a ceremony in memory of the 6 Million kedoshim [holy ones], and one of the men present lost control and began crying out in a loud voice. It turned out that among the women present, he noticed a woman who had been together with him in the concentration camps. The moment this clicked in his memory, a mighty wave of emotion was released. This woman was not a relative of his, but they had been together in the camps. We see from this that sometimes, an emotional reaction is uncontrollable, but at the meeting between Yaakov and Yosef, the emotional reaction and expression of love was channeled into the words, Shema Yisrael. This is the spontaneous response of Yaakov, when he met one of the tribes of Hashem in this situation.
There are unspoken messages that a father wants to convey to his children, and in this case, it was yiras Shamayim. When the son knows and feels these hidden messages, there is no lack of love. On the contrary, this is the greatest love a father can give his son.
Excerpted with permission from Imrei Mordechai, Vol. 2, A Collection of Inspirational Insights from the “Mussar Shmoozes” of HaGaon Rabbi Mordechai Goldstein Ztzvk”l, The Imrei Mordechai Institute, Diaspora Yeshiva Toras Yisrael, Mount Zion, Jerusalem, Kislev 5779.
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