‘You will not wrong one another, and you will fear your G-d.’
– Vayikra (Leviticus) 25:17​

1. Rashi explains that this verse warns against ‘verbal wrongdoing’ (ona’as devarim): one must not provoke or hurt his fellow, nor offer advice that benefits the advisor rather than the other. If someone asks, ‘But who knows whether I meant harm?’—the verse answers, ‘And you shall fear your G-d.’ The One Who knows all thoughts knows your intent.

2. The Talmud (Bava Metzia 58b) teaches that verbal wrongdoing is more severe than financial wrongdoing. Why? Because regarding ona’as devarim the Torah says ‘And you shall fear your G-d,’ whereas it does not say that about financial deception. One affects the person himself, the other only his money. One can be repaid, the other cannot.

3. Caution in matters of verbal harm must go beyond the immediate prohibition or emotional pain—it must account for long-term consequences. At times, one hurtful comment can harm generations. A young yeshiva student who feels hurt — even if the criticism was justified — may lose his motivation to learn, his fear of Heaven may diminish, and he may go on to build a spiritually weak home. His children may grow up with lesser values. In contrast, one kind word could uplift and empower him, enabling him to grow in Torah and build a faithful, strong Jewish home.

Our Sages emphasized how far this caution must go. Reuven [Reuben], who, according to the Midrash, did not sin in action but acted with a righteous motive, was not rebuked by Ya’akov Avinu [our forefather Jacob] for many years. Only shortly before Yaakov’s passing did he address it, fearing that Reuven might feel hurt and leave the house of Yaakov to join Esav [Esau]. If the holy Patriarchs showed such sensitivity even when rebuke was warranted, how much more must we be careful not to cause pain with our words.

As Rabban Shimon ben Gamaliel used to say (Pirkei Avos 1:17), ‘I have found nothing better for the body than silence.’ Through holding one’s tongue, a person can avoid numerous transgressions. But if one does not accustom himself to silence and speaks whatever is on his mind, then at a moment of challenge, he will find it very hard to restrain himself. However, one who trains himself in the trait of silence, contemplates its value as taught by our Sages, and acquires it in his soul—fortunate is he! All the more so will he be able to guard his tongue when tested. And one who seeks to purify himself—they [from Heaven] assist him.

4. Indeed, caution regarding the future must be a foundation stone (אבן יסוד) of a person’s life. The Gemara in Maseches Shabbos (145b) tells that Rabbi Chiyya and Rabbi Assi were sitting before Rabbi Yochanan. Rabbi Yochanan dozed off, and the students began discussing various matters. While he was sleeping, he heard their words but disagreed with what they said.

When he awoke, he told them, ‘Did I not tell you [Mishlei / Proverbs 7:4], ‘Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister”?—if something is as clear to you as your [forbidden] sister [i.e., something absolutely prohibited and obvious], say it. If not—do not say it.’

They asked him to clarify which of their statements was incorrect, and he responded, ‘You discussed why the birds in Bavel [Babylon] are fatter, and you said it is because their fat does not disperse. That is incorrect. The real reason is that the birds of Bavel did not go into exile—unlike the birds of Eretz Yisrael (the Land of Israel), which did go into exile, as it says, ‘Moav has been at ease from his youth… and he has not gone into exile’ (Yirmiyahu / Jeremiah 48:11).”

From this we learn that birds who underwent exile [גלות] were affected, even generations later, while those who did not, remained unaffected. Similarly, the Ramban (on Devarim / Deuteronomy 29:17) wrote, ‘The father is a root, and the son is a branch; from his roots shall he blossom.’

5. Many times, in addition to the prohibition of ona’as devarim, a person transgresses the prohibition of lashon hara [evil speech], which is considered as severe as the three cardinal sins. The destruction of the Second Temple was brought about by this. As our Sages said (Yoma 9b), the Second Temple period was full of Torah learning, Divine service, and acts of kindness—so why was it destroyed? Because of baseless hatred. The Chafetz Chaim explains in the introduction to his work, this refers specifically to lashon hara and gossip.

6. So what can we do to be protected from forbidden speech and degrading words? The Gemara (Chullin 89a) says, ‘Rabbi Yitzchak taught, ‘What does the verse mean [Tehillim / Psalms 58:2], ‘Is it true you speak righteousness? Do you judge uprightly, O sons of man?’ What is a person’s trade in this world? Let him make himself like a mute.’

The Chafetz Chaim asked, ‘Why is this called a trade [umanut]? Because like any skill, if one does not train in it, it takes great effort. A skilled carpenter can make a table far more easily than a beginner. So too with silence: even if someone understands its value, unless he accustoms himself to silence, it will be very difficult in moments of challenge. But one who practices silence regularly, studies its benefits as taught by our sages, and internalizes it—fortunate is he! The one who seeks purity is assisted from Above.