The Ramban is in effect offering sage advice on how to influence others and “make connections.” The way to go about this is by providing pleasure, and in fact, this trick is used all the time—the business lunch, etc. The moment one derives pleasure from another, a bond is forged between them, as we see from the Ramban. Only, people do this sort of thing out of habit and don’t see the depth in it.

Bear in mind that in the Ramban’s third explanation, the intent is not just to a sense of gratitude or recompense. This would put us back in the first category, of payment and bribery, which the Ramban said is not the pshat by Yitzchak. What Yitzchak sought was something deeper, a soul connection between the recipient and the giver, as a result of the gift. To make it clearer, I’ll give two examples:

In Eiruvin [Talmud] 100b, it states that before cohabiting, a rooster appeases a hen by promising her gifts of lavish clothing! The hen accepts his offer, they cohabitate, and then life goes back to normal. The next time, the same story, and again and again and again, and each time, the hen accepts. Doesn’t she realize that he promises but never delivers? Why does she keep falling for it?

The answer is that there is a power of imagery (see earlier chapter on this). One who knows how to manipulate this power can sell dreams of enjoyment, and he’ll have takers. This is the type of pleasure in which souls are not joined together, because in reality, the promised pleasure never arrived. This is a form of bribe, or reward or exchange, in which the recipient thinks he or she is receiving something real, but there is no real connection. To forge a soul connection, something real has to be given, some real pleasure between giver and recipient. Imagery is not enough.

Why did Yitzchak have to get pleasure from Esav right now? Hadn’t Esav been honoring Yitzchak all of the years, as Chazal [the Sages] tell us? Hasn’t he received enough pleasure from Esav? Why did he need a meal at this point in time?

The answer is the same split we made above. Since a blessing requires a level of soul connection, it has to be precisely at the “time of pleasure,” as the Ramban states. Had Yitzchak blessed Esav in the form of payment, it would have been enough to base this on the pleasure Yitzchak had received until now. But when we’re talking about this new principle of a soul connection, this is something you have to be in the midst of feeling in order to bless with a full heart. Only when the bond is alive right now, the experience of pleasure still taking place, is the blessing as it should be. Yesterday’s pleasure won’t help anymore.

We’ll make even clearer the difference between a stam [general] exchange and a soul connection: The difference depends on the two definitions of the Ramban, which define two different stages in experiencing pleasure. The first takes place at the time that the person is actually deriving pleasure, and the second takes place after he felt this, and now feels a need to acknowledge the good he received. The first explanation of the Ramban, that of bribery and payment, is the stage after the enjoyment is felt and is based on gratitude and a sense of indebtedness to the giver. Yitzchak’s idea was different. He wanted to bless Esav as he was experiencing the pleasure, based on the idea of their souls being connected.

We see this going on today, unconsciously. People are wary of getting close to each other, and of accepting gifts, because once that happens, they feel obligated to the one who gave them.

And there are others who say, what’s the problem? Let’s work for the spiritual betterment of Klal Yisrael [the Jewish People] out of pure love for them! Who needs to receive first pleasure from them in order to reach out to them and “bless them.”

That’s why we see, on the streets, bachurim [yeshiva students] handing out flyers and booklets for free, and inside the flyer the reader is often asked to pray for Klal Yisrael, “at least 10 minutes a day.” On the face of it, what could be wrong with these bachurim reaching out, trying to inspire their fellow Jews and getting them to pray for Klal Yisrael?

First of all, we already pray for Klal Yisrael. All of our prayers in Shemoneh Esrei [Eighteen Benedictions] are in the plural form, “heal us, return us.” Every Monday and Thursday we pray for “our brothers, the entire house of Yisrael…” and there are many more examples of how we pray for Klal Yisrael. So why are these people trying to get others to pray for Klal Yisrael?

They often ask: “Pray that Am Yisrael [the People of Israel] should do teshuva [repentance].” Only, we should ask them: Chazal state, “first beautify yourself, and then beautify others” (Bava Metzia 107b). First, do teshuva yourself, and then ask others to do it. It’s very easy to focus on the shortcomings of one’s fellow man, and this can in fact generate a very positive self-opinion. “Here I am, trying to fix the world, helping everyone fix themselves.” Wonderful, but have you already fixed yourself?

I’m not denouncing them, chas veshalom [pity and peace, i.e., “may it never be”]. It’s wonderful for a Jew to think about all of Klal Yisrael, and when he does, he surely becomes less self-centered and more concerned with k’vod Shamayim [the honor of Heaven]. This in itself is a big thing. Only, this shouldn’t remain in the realm of handing out booklets and disks to fix the world whereas they’re not concerned about themselves.

What we also see from the Ramban is that it is not so easy to reach the level of a soul connection. To daven [pray] for Klal Yisrael from the depths of one’s heart requires that one is deriving pleasure from Klal Yisrael, and moreover, that one pray dakva [specifically] at the moment he feels this pleasure. This is not something you can just do anytime.